Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
