OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we're making bets on your personal life
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
