I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
is wine microwaveable?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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