Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
