So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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