i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
