i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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