also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
