Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
