it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize