What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize