you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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