you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
