Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
