Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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