He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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