don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
