my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
