Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize