My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
