I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
