Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
