well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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