her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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