Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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