Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize