she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize