i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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