There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize