mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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