I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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