I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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