As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There r osticjed everywhere
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
