So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
