literally had 100 drinks last night.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
