Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
