Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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