her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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