I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Found the puke drawer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
