She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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