We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
