not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's never too late to be topless.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
