im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and you said cock pushups were impossible
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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