I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
