Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
