i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
