If you die in college, do you die in real life?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You are a genius and a whore.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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