I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
