I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
