walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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