Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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