And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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