Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
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