i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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