New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
