Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
All I want is dick and wine.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize