Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
