I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
