respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize