Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
