are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
