i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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