she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
