I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Randomize