Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
