cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
