Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize