I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
