I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
