i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
